Archive for May, 2009

British Military Fitness

I’ve been doing really well with my exercise regime this year; I’ve been working out 3 times a week with weights – 1 session at Reaction PT, and 2 on the multigym at home – and it’s transformed my upper body into something I can actually be proud of rather than hide under baggy T-shirts. Should have done it years ago.

However, the missing link in my fitness has been the lower half of my body. Andy at Reaction has helped me to bulk up my upper half in the weekly session we have, and my intention was to supplement this with some jogging. It’s been tough to motivate myself to get out there and run, though, simply because I find it such a dull activity.

On Thursday, I saw an article in the Birmingham Mail about ‘British Military Fitness’. They are a national organisation that consists of serving and former forces personnel who run fitness classes in public parks. You may have seen them in cities around the UK – there are 3 groups of trainees – beginners (in blue), intermediate (in red) and the super-fit advanced people in green.

The sessions are around an hour long, and are designed to be challenging but fun. So, I went along to one at Cannon Hill Park this morning at 10am to see how I would get on. (The first session is free so you can see whether it’s for you.)

When I said to a colleague at work that I was going to try British Military Fitness, the response was ‘Are you insane?!’ – but it’s nothing like the horrors that military recruits have to go through. No one shouts at you or humiliates you (I’m pleased to say) – instead, it’s all positive motivation, getting you to push yourself further so you can essentially get a better result from your session.

Now whatever I do never ends up being straightforward, and so was the case this morning. Because I already exercise, I was put into the intermediate group (who wear red bibs). I was a little unsure about this because of my lack of cardiovascular exercise, but went with it. After we’d warmed up by running around, working various body parts etc, we were told that the first series of exercises would involve 15 burpees (which is where you crouch down, do a kind of bunny hop with hands on the floor, then jump up with hands in the air and repeat) then 10 press-ups, followed by 15 burpees, 10 press-ups, and a final 15 burpees before running one circuit around the park, around various huts and trees etc.

Well, I did my best..! I did 15 burpees, 10 press-ups, 15 burpees, another 10 press-ups and then got to about number 6 of the last set of burpees before my legs failed. And that was that. There’s no way I could have done the run – which was very frustrating, as my upper body was coping perfectly. However, the instructors were great and sent me over to the blue group who, I have to say, looked like they were having a lot more fun, and there I stayed for the rest of the session – the sole red in a sea of blues (which prompted a flurry of questions from the others, asking ‘Is it really bad in the reds?’.)

The blue group was definitely challenging (especially having done the first 10 minutes in the red group!) mainly for the work my legs were doing, and also for general cardiovascular fitness. By the end of the session I was suitably knackered (it’s been a hot day too), but feeling great from having pushed myself hard. The exercises had been varied and fun, and the instructors were a good laugh and were clearly enjoying it themselves.

I’ll definitely be going back – it’s pretty cheap at just over £30 a month for as many sessions as you like, although I’m going to stick to one only which will supplement one session at Reaction and one session at home. By the end of each week, I should have worked every muscle group going and be feeling even better than I already do.

If you’re wondering whether to try it, I would say go for the trial session, and don’t worry about it being too much. Everyone gets knackered, and even if you fail an exercise completely, they will make sure you’re OK and let you join in again when you’ve caught your breath. Everyone is really friendly, and there’s no competitiveness at all, just a common goal of getting fit – or fitter in the higher groups.

Also, if you’re in Birmingham, fed up with the gym, and prefer 1-2-1 training and support, you can’t do better than Reaction PT on Smallbrook Queensway. Andy always makes the sessions interesting, will really motivate you and will help you achieve superb results.

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Limerick Time

I’ve been writing some stuff for the new CLP and seem to be on a limerick vibe at the moment.

Here are a few recent ones:

There was a young man from Dumfries
Who liked to set fire to his knees
When asked ‘What’s the point?’
He said ‘I like smoking joints.
You won’t tell anyone will you? Please?’

***

I once met the Home Secre-tary
She asked ‘How crap am I? – I said ‘Very.’
‘You leech off our taxes
While your husband ‘relaxes’
With some subscription porn and a sherry.’

***

There once was a man from Skegness
Who liked to play darts in a dress
In a full-length from Haiti
He scored 180
But in a short skirt and heels he scored less.

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I’ve Always Wanted to be Michael Aspel…

Surely there can be no greater role model for a youngster than the silver-haired legend that is Michael Aspel? Throughout my early years, labouring under the misapprehension that his first name was ‘Ask’, I watched him chat to A, B and C-rated celebrities, hoping that any one of them might reach the giddy heights of interest set by a drunk Oliver Reed singing ‘Wild One’. Sadly, this was not to be. Nor did he achieve the same longevity in the charity telethon role that has served Wogan and Lenny Henry (“The Lenster”) so well over the years. (Remember ITV’s Telethons? I try not to.)

Anyway, none of this is relevant to the fact that on Sunday, I hosted a live ‘This is Your Life’ right here in Birmingham.

‘This is Your Life’, you’ll no doubt remember, was a programme in which Michael Aspel (and his predecessor, Eamonn Andrews) read out the story of a fascinating life to the person who had the least need of hearing it; the person who actually lived it. The subject would sit there, grimacing awkwardly as the PE teacher they hoped they’d never see again was wheeled out from behind a screen to recount the hilarious tale of the day they forgot their kit and had to run round the school field wearing nothing but a vest and a smile.

The event I hosted was a 50th birthday party. It was quite a big deal for me; even though I train, I only usually have to face a room of up to 20-25 people. At the party, there were 150. I also had the added challenge of pronouncing – with the correct accent – Indian names, including the pet names used by family members towards each other. I also had to introduce changes in tone (between happy and sad events), and introduce a series of dance acts.

This was great practice for me, as if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know that I have a long-term ambition to perform comedy of some kind. This event was the perfect confidence builder. With a script I could wander from and ad-lib if needed (but which provided some much-needed insurance against forgetting what was to be said) as well as a venue comparable in size to any I would encounter as a performer, I was really looking forward to it. I was also very nervous.

The outcome? I loved it. Making an audience laugh was the biggest buzz. I was lucky in that this being a big family party, they were on my side from the start (no heckling here!) but that said, it was still a big deal for me. The feedback since has been nothing but positive, and I can’t wait to do something like it again.

A video exists, so if and when I manage to get hold of a copy, I will put a clip up here.

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Latest Expenses Revelations

The row about MP’s expenses rumbles on.

I can exclusively reveal these astonishing new claims, given to me by a fictitious source:

- John Prescott claimed £1546 for Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs, claiming it was legitimate because the assembly of the plastic toy gave “a much needed boost to UK manufacturing”.
- Hazel Blears claimed £11000 for a waxwork model of herself as part of an efficiency drive, enabling her to maintain a presence in her constituency whilst simultaneously attending parliament.
- Lord Mandelson claimed £250 for 20 pairs of sports briefs from Kiniki, claiming they were needed to give ‘much-needed support for our lads serving overseas.’
- Harriet Harman claimed £14000 for repairs to an antique doll’s house, which she claims to have legitimately registered as her second home since her £40 Wendy house blew away in a storm.
- Michael Martin – the speaker – claimed £1000 for new gravel for his drive – a claim that he later withdrew, saying that he had actually wanted a new gavel.

It’s shocking isn’t it?!

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Line of the Week

This orange-juice-snorted-up-my-nose line was said by Jay’s dad in the last ‘Inbetweeners’ of the series:

“Women are like fairground rides: fucking mental!”

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Soap

One of the shows that had been on my ‘must-get-round-to-watching’ list for quite a few years was ‘Soap’, the ground-breaking 70s sitcom that spoofed the outrageous storylines and acting of American daytime soap operas.

I was 5 when it aired, and to my knowledge it’s never been shown on (terrestrial) British TV since, so I was dependent on a DVD release. Last week I spotted series 1 in HMV, so I got it and have been enjoying a couple of episodes a day.

If you’ve never seen or heard of it, the plot revolves around the families of two sisters of different class backgrounds, all of whom have quirks, problems and secrets that become more outrageous as the series progresses. For example – one of the characters has three sons; one is being hunted by the mob and keeps turning up in disguise, the second is gay and considering a sex-change so he can be with the quarterback he is in love with, and one is a ventriloquist who treats his dummy as if it’s real and expects everyone else to do the same (which they do, with hilarious results.)

The writing is so incredibly sharp, I was convinced that whoever penned the scripts must have gone on to other big things; they did – Susan Harris wrote ‘The Golden Girls’ 4 years after ‘Soap’ finished its run.

All series have been released on region 1, while only series 1 is available so far on region 2. I really hope they release the others – Soap is like nothing else on TV at the moment and deserves a place on every comedy fan’s DVD shelf.

It’s also surprisingly progressive for a 70s show. The gay character is handled quite sensitively, as it’s the discomfort of those who surround him that we’re invited to laugh at, not the homosexuality itself. And, despite the odd dodgy moment, even the black butler, Benson, is allowed to hold is own against the racist attitudes that were so prevalent at the time.

Here is a clip that gives a flavour of the style of the show, featuring Chuck and Bob in a memorably silly moment:

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