Archive for April, 2009

Bea Arthur R.I.P.

I just read on BBC News that Bea Arthur has died.

Bea played Dorothy Zbornak in ‘The Golden Girls’ between 1985 and 1992 – a part that saw her deliver some classic put-downs at the expense of the other three stars of the show – Betty White, Rue McClanahan and the late Estelle Getty.

I have the first two series of ‘The Golden Girls’ on DVD, and they are a great tonic when a good laugh is needed at the end of a long hard day. It was such a quality show, and should act as a reminder to today’s TV commissioners that there is still a place on TV for well-written sitcom that has some great performances at its heart and doesn’t pander to the current trend for shock-value.

Bea Arthur was, paradoxically, the lead in an ensemble piece; such was her presence and the strength of her performance. She was a joy to watch.

Click here for a look at Bea through the years to the sound of some incredibly uplifting music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apk_ymHWr94

And here are some (not altogether carefully) edited clips of her in the role for which most Britons will remember and love her:

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Pacman Comedy

I have laughed so much at this video today.

Silly visual comedy at its best. Even the security guard plays his part.

Watch and smile:

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If only Sky Sports News was like this…

Oh. My. God.

http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/campaigns_nz/content/index.asp

Two words: slo-mo replays.

You straight lads should start lobbying them to repeat this for beach volleyball…

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I Found the Card! – and other news

It’s been a strange couple of weeks, with lots going on, and a sense that summer is almost here (in fact, it’s SO almost here that allowed the world to see my legs on Saturday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, shorts in April. It was shorts and a T-shirt until I realised that although I live in Birmingham, I’m not THAT northern, and promptly put on a jumper. But I digress…)

The card I found was tucked into a library book I borrowed on Saturday. It showed a picture of a torso in a suit and tie, and a web address – youfoundthecard.co.uk. Nothing else was on the card. Of course, I was so intrigued, I went straight to the website and found it to be an anti-scientology organisation. A group calling themselves ‘Anonymous’ who organise protests and wear Guy Fawkes masks to protect their anonymity are using the site to educate the public about Scientology. They’re not its biggest fans.

I spent some of the weekend reading comedy magazines – my favourite of the bunch was the latest ‘Modern Toss’ which is Issue Five, and is subtitled ‘Buy more shit or we’re all fucked.’ I think Darling should include that in the budget speech.

I also bought Private Eye (which was excellent as usual) and Mustard which I’ve been championing for a while, although I am sorry to say that the current issue is a slight disappointment, as it’s dominated by an over-long interview with Alan Moore which could have done with some editing. Still, there are some real gems too, including the very weird ad on page 24, the picture from which I can still see when I close my eyes and which I think may haunt me forever.

I’ve been busy writing and have some new stuff in the bag for CLP, although some of it is a bit ambitious. There’s a sketch that’s set in a coffee shop, but it needs bespoke music for it to work. The feeder line is a customer saying “I just want a coffee, I don’t want a song and dance routine!” – which triggers a Dennis Potter-esque sequence that includes these two sung lines:

“And if you want a drink that’s worth waiting all day for,
Try a cappuccino with a caramel wafer!”

I’m also having to nail myself to the chair to plough on with the radio sitcom script. I now have an unfinished script following a plot I’m no longer happy with, but featuring some good lines that I know I may have to ditch. I’ve taken up the whole lounge floor this evening with various notebooks and bits of flipchart paper working out an alternate plot as it’s driving me mad. Will be worth it in the end, but why must the plotting part be so difficult when writing the dialogue is such fun!?

Anyway, it’s 1.15am now and I have to get up for work, so that’ll do for now.

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New Mailing List

You can now subscribe for news of CLP’s exciting relaunch in the summer.

If you love comedy in general, it’s worth subscribing.

http://cleverlittlepod.com (Site updated)

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Ikon Exhibitions until 25 May

There are two new exhibitions at Birmingham’s Ikon Gallery that are well worth visiting.

The first of these is ‘Tale-pieces’, an exhibition (the first, in fact) of the work of Thomas Bewick, who was an artist, engraver and naturalist born in 1753.

The ‘tale-pieces’ are 150 prints of woodcuts, measuring no more than a few centimetres, which are rich in details of countryside characters, wildlife and events. Often humorous, these ‘vignettes’ were used to illustrate natural history books from the beginning of the 19th century, examples of which are also displayed in the gallery.

Given that the scenes are tiny (indeed, the gallery provides magnifying glasses which enhance the viewing experience) I was surprised by how moved I was by the natural beauty of the countryside depicted. I was left feeling nostalgic for a time when life was simpler, and the countryside remained unspoilt. That said, the images include a scene of drunkenness and even suicide; a reminder, perhaps, that humanity hasn’t changed that much at all.

The second exhibition – ‘Some words. Some more words.’ – showcases the work of John Wood and Paul Harrison who, according to the exhibition guide, “are best known for screen-based works that often involve the manipulation of familiar objects”.

I’ll admit that having read the guide before the exhibition, I wasn’t expecting to like the work on display. ‘100 boxes’, for example, consists of 100 pictures of cardboard boxes that have been crushed in different and unique ways. While I can see the point being made, I just don’t think it is a worthwhile endeavour by the artists. Unlike some of their other works, it has no humour, and there is no aesthetic quality in the resulting images that is out of the ordinary. They could quite easily be uploaded to iStock.

That said, there were two screen-based works that I thoroughly enjoyed. The first consisted of a TV-screen showing a loudspeaker positioned on the floor. In front of the TV, a pair of headphones hung from the ceiling. When I first put the headphones on, there was no sound. Then, an alarmingly loud ’swooping’ sound coincided with the appearance of a microphone swinging in front of the loudspeaker on the TV screen. This microphone proceeded to swing backwards and forwards in front of the loudspeaker, providing a burst of feedback on each pass. This continued until the swinging stopped, and a constant feedback tone resulted through the headphones. The subtle changes in the sounds were fascinating – such a simple idea, but brilliantly executed.

The second piece was ‘Night and Day’, which was a video that made use of light and dark to manipulate scenes depicting an ever-changing series of objects. It’s very difficult to describe – the exhibition guide says it best: “..light and dark play significant roles within individual events, as if they were protagonists moving from one scene to another. Consecutive exchanges with everyday things, some play with illusion and the transformation of space, some suggest a fragmentary narrative, while others imply a wryly comic touch.”

The Ikon Gallery is open 11am-6pm Tuesday-Sunday and admission is free.

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Dubai? I’d rather go to Bognor.

Have you ever been to Dubai? If you haven’t, the chances are that you know someone who has. It seems to be the 21st century Vegas – playground of the rich that mere mortals such as you or I can also enjoy and wonder at.

“You must go!” say its champions, who return from its fake islands and multi-starred hotels, drunk on the decadence and excess that seeps from the foundations of this manufactured paradise.

No, I mustn’t. And I won’t, for two reasons.

The first is that it’s been built on the exploitation of foreign workers. Workers are shipped in from poverty-stricken countries, with the promise of high wages and a new life for themselves and their families, only to find themselves trapped in a foreign land, living in squalor, with no rights, no access to medical care and no way of getting home. And all so the rich can get richer, and so a regime that pays scant regard to human rights can play along with the democracies of the world by creating a playground for the super-rich.

It stinks. And the celebrities who endorse Dubai for the opportunities that are propped up by this slave labour – for that’s what it is – should hang their heads in shame. This report – http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7985361.stm – will tell you more.

The second reason I will never set foot in Dubai is for another reason that the authorities there would rather not mention in their tourism ads: freedom. Or rather a lack of it. Because while Dubai may attract the wealth and status of a Western international city, it certainly does not have its liberty.

Just ask Michelle Palmer and Vince Acors who were thrown into prison by the Dubai authorities for allegedly having sex on a beach.

Now I’m not saying that sex in public is acceptable. But it just goes to show that Westerners who are seduced by the bright lights of the city should not forget what a deeply conservative country they have stepped into.

For their alleged sexual indiscretions, this couple was sentenced to three months in prison. They should consider themselves lucky. For if they had been gay, they would have been persecuted; arrested, treated for their ‘illness’, perhaps publicly flogged, and quite probably jailed for a long, long time. And that’s just the ‘official’ treatment. Who knows what other violent acts they may be subjected to while in custody.

I am well aware that the UAE is not the only country in the world to take this kind of stance on homosexuality, and Western values in general. It just sticks in my throat that Dubai is marketing itself as some kind of impossibly wonderful paradise when the reality is quite different.

But then, to be honest, even if it didn’t exploit foreign workers; even if it didn’t have antiquated laws and social attitudes that criminalise the innocent – I really wouldn’t want to go there anyway.

Because do I really want to visit a city where all of its ‘beauty’ is manufactured? How long can you really stroll around a city that can offer tonnes of extravagant architecture but not a single grain of history?

Perhaps Dubai will continue to grow, and to please its government with its ever-increasing list of status-boosting extremes. Or maybe it will sink into the sand as quickly as it grew, trashed by the global economic meltdown, on whose origins it was so greedily built.

Whatever its fate, one thing is for sure. Whether it’s human-built wonders such as castles and skyscrapers, or natural wonders such as wildlife and landscapes, Dubai can’t hope to compete.

Here in England, it may not be as big. But it’s certainly all for real.

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Not Fair

I fucking love this song.

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Clever Little Pod

2009 has been a CLP-free year so far, with the last show released at Christmas. I think I needed the break; if you listen to the most recent 3-4 shows, the theme music kept changing and I was starting to get lost in the quest for new ideas.

That’s why I’m in no hurry to bring it back just yet, but I’m pleased to say that it will be coming back. What’s needed is a complete relaunch of the whole package – new website, new format, and a new approach which nevertheless retains all the fun and silliness of the originals.

The main change will no doubt make some of you groan, but it really is the key to a successful show; interactivity. Television has over-used and mis-used interactivity to the point where any show that wants my ‘vote’ now has me reaching for the off-switch. But here, I’m not talking about voting. I’m looking for fun, easy ways for the audience to ‘get involved’ in the show – maybe in some running jokes or getting them to be creative in some unusual ways. The website will be a key component in this.

To do it all, I need a team behind me, as I can’t do all of it myself. Ideally, they will be people who aren’t already involved in podcasting (as it’s time-consuming enough just to do your own show!), but would like to be involved in a project that can showcase their strengths. An artist whom I admire greatly has already kindly accepted to do some work for me in a way that will enhance the show a great deal. I am also looking for a website designer who would be willing to design an interactive site as a showcase of their work, for no fee other than regular credits on the show, web-links and the visibility generated by the show itself.

Also, if you are an actor, singer or musician and would like to be featured on the show, I would be pleased to hear from you. I’d be especially keen to hear from humorous singer-songwriters who would like a regular slot on the show.

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I’m also still working on a radio sitcom that I want to pilot as a podcast. I was hoping to spend all day in the library on Friday writing it, but it’s closed for Easter, so I’ll just have to find a friendly bar on the canalside and line up the Buds.

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It’s a Clever Little Frog’s Life

Just to let you know that I’m guest-hosting the latest ‘It’s a Frog’s Life’ podcast over at http://itsafrogslife.net/podcast along with John Bell from the ‘Bells in the Batfry’ podcast.

It features some great comedy music, and you get to hear what I sound like after a dose of flu. Not too bad, thankfully, but the recording had to be left until very close to the deadline!

Thanks to Graham for inviting me on to his show.

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