I had quite a large tax bill this year.
I had thought that it would be spent on good, worthwhile things like hospitals, schools and the defence of our sovereign nation. I was, therefore, more than a little surprised to hear that a small portion of it had gone towards helping the Home Secretary’s husband whack off to porn while his wife does important government work, such as justifying inflated expense claims.
Most government departments and other institutions that are funded by public money are required to publish reports on what they have achieved with the money gathered through the tax system. I assume this will be the same for Mr Smith’s use of public finances in this instance.
We need to know whether the taxpayer received value for money. Did he enjoy the films? Did they provide the level of visual stimulus one might expect from publicly-funded porn? If my taxes are to be used in this way, then these are questions that need answering. Did they provide, for example, little more than a mild distraction on a portable set while he did the washing up? Or did he go for broke, masturbating like a wild monkey on the sofa, remote control in one hand, ready to switch to BBC Parliament if the housekeeper came back unexpectedly?
There is another scandal brewing at the bottom of all this. Because Mr Smith, by his actions, has given every single comedian in the country a gift.
And isn’t that tantamount to bribery?
